The one with the probable booty call

Dear Dad,

This might sound somewhat pathetic, but here it goes. I met an awesome man this summer and we completely clicked right away. There was no nervousness at our first meeting and it's like we knew each other in another life. After just a few weeks, we talked about it and both felt very strongly for each other. Way more than we probably should for having just recently met. He's a very honest man and has always been straight with me so I have no reason to doubt his feelings. We hung out 1-2 times a week for a couple of months and started having sex. We weren't officially together, but neither one of us wanted to date or sleep with anyone else so it was cool. One day, he tells me he's not sure how he feels about his ex girlfriend and that he can't continue what we have until he figured out his feelings. He was waiting for them to dissipate on their own. He also said he knew we were heading to being serious and he wanted that too, but didn't want to get months down the road, just to have the unresolved feelings cause a emotional destruction for either us or our kids. He has a 13 year old daughter and I have a toddler son. I've met his daughter once and he's spent 20 minutes or so around my boy, nothing more. I didn't get to see him for a couple of weeks, but then I did and he told me he'd talked to his ex and they'd discussed trying to get back together. They hung out a bit and, from the get go, she was 100% "I should just move back home" and so on. He told her he didn't feel any romantic feelings for her at all and that was the end of that. He said he just needed some time to get his emotional self back on track, we started hanging out again and I let him take the lead and do what was comfortable for him. It was cool and we started having sex again, but I noticed that he'd get kind of distant a few days later. I told him I'd give him space because it seemed to "muddy his emotional waters" when we spent time together. He said it didn't, but a few weeks later, he told me, again, he needed some time and space and wasn't emotionally available right now. That was 2 1/2 weeks ago and I haven't heard from him at all. I know he's the kind of man who has a lot of feelings of self worth in how he's doing in his "provider" role and he was out of work all summer and had begun getting behind on bills. He was also having some issues with his ex wife and wasn't getting to see his daughter much. He got a job with a disaster cleanup company and was supposed to be promoted to project manager once they ironed out the details of the brand new position, but they dragged their feet and were a shitty company to work for so he was miserable. He's since started a new job at a great company so I hope he's on the emotional mend. 

Now to my actual question, I'm giving him the time and space he asked for, aside from 2 well spaced texts telling him I'm thinking of him, because he's an amazing man and its worth it to me to do so. I'm not going to be waiting 4 months down the road because I have more self respect than that, but do you think I'm even wasting my time now, after just a couple of weeks? I'm not ready to move on anyways so it's not like I'm holding myself back from any opportunities. Thanks, Brian.

Dear 'Not Holding Back':

I know what it is like to have an “instant connection” with someone. I've experienced it a few times…leading to a long term relationship, a booty call, and a marriage. 

I think he was being perfectly upfront with you when he communicated that he needed time to sort things out. The first time. When he did it the second time, and has played a bit of a disappearing act, it makes me suspect that you are not on his radar (and if you are it is probably a booty call type of thing he is looking for).

My advice? Do not contact him again, and see what happens. If he contacts you, do not make yourself so “completely available” to him. Make it clear that you have your own thing going on, and that you, quite frankly, deserve someone who is willing to put in a little effort. If he does pursue you I would take it very slow, hold off on the sex for a bit, and see if he flakes off again. If so, he needs to "something else" off! Good luck to you!